making it through...

well, I have survived my first two days of teaching, and they were awesome! I had such fun and my class are lovely, its just such a great feeling to have my own class at last. My team at work are all so lovely, people are always checking that I am doing ok and offering such good advice. Lucky me!

Burlesque class was awesome this week too. We have started to learn our Boa dance, which will become one part of the final performance. Its really great to get something solid down, and I think I'm doing pretty well at the steps. Now just got to work on the acting part of it, with faces and expression. Funny thing, Laura asked me if I had ever watched anything by Fifi Fatale, because I apparently look quite a lot like her when I perform. I never had, but looked her up on You Tube and if I am even a teensy bit like her I'm truly flattered!!! Thanks for the confidence boost Laura :) The burlesque is really helping me feel better about myself, and I am starting to feel the most self-assured I have ever been in my whole 23 years, like I am finally growing into the person I have always meant to be, but never felt brave enough to accept. I know my faults and flaws clearly, but now I am also starting to see that I have lots of good points today, and I am actually a nice person, and a really loyal friend. Its just trying to balance my view of myself so that I see the whole of me, not just all the bad points.

Got a really good weekend ahead :)

And so it begins...

So I am going to start by explaining my blog title, because I think it explains a lot about the path I am embarking on. Fifi, (or 'Fifi La Friponne' to be exact) is my Burlesque stage name, something I have recently acquired as part of my Burlesque classes. These were taken up on a complete whim because its something I have been interested in a while, and when I emailed Laura (aka Miss Felicity Fox) she told me I could start classes that very evening! Now, I am not confident at all, and going to something new like this where I knew no-one was scary as hell. But the class was such fun and I started to like the person I could become when I put on my heels and tried (and failed) to walk with grace and poise! I was given the name Fifi from picking it out of a hat, and chose my 'surname' as it is the French for 'Minx', and I thought this would be a good place to start! Its been 3 weeks now, and I am loving the classes, the way I can step into Fifi more and more at will (with the help of my beautiful shoes and corset!) and be someone more...powerful I suppose. In control. 

This new part of my life has also come at the time of complete (and frankly scary) change in my life. First of all, I am starting my first teaching job in 2 days, something which I have trained three long years to achieve. I am no longer a student, but a 'grown-up' embarking on the big wide world. The second major change is the fact I have just left a 5 year relationship. After a whole lot of soul searching, guilt, fear and trepidation, I took leap of faith needed to talk to my partner and explain that things weren't the same anymore. I was so sad, and mourned the loss of something I used to have. But I was also excited about where my life might go now, and terrified that this big wide world might be about to close in on me. Its been a hard week of mixed feelings, fear, elation and down-right confusion. I am in the lucky position to still be getting on with my ex, but its a hard relationship to negotiate and we are still finding our feet.

I just felt like, at this time when everything is changing, it would be good to write how I feel, what is going on and maybe keep a record of these exciting months to come. Its not going to be easy, and I may falter, but this life is my own and I intend on making the most of it.